This is not in my head

Do you have bad periods? Keep reading..

I was thirteen years old when I got my first period. I remember being woken up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain in my stomach. It lasted an hour or so and I was able to go back to sleep. I didn’t wake anyone up because I had known that cramps were a part of getting your period. Right? That’s not entirely true. At the time though I just thought it was a part of growing up. I was one of the unfortunate cursed with the cramps.

From there on out my periods had always been bad. To say bad is an understatement- What I mean to say is that my periods have always knocked me off of my feet and have made me bed bound for two days. (I know, 2 days is not much compared to some girls) My period pretty much controls my life at this point. I have been dealing with this pain for the last thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS! When I was nineteen years old my GYN decided she wanted to do a lap surgery to see if I had Endometriosis. The surgery came back clear. Little did I know that when you are a teenager- Endometriosis can present itself to look like little strands of hair that can easily be missed by an non-specialized GYN. Even if you are not a teenager- Endometriosis comes in all sorts of forms that can easily be missed. I have continued to experience severe, debilitating pain every month for the last six years. The reason I have went that long without seeking more help was because I truly believed that my pain was in my head. I believed that I just had a low pain tolerance. I still question myself about these beliefs every now and then. But that is absolutely crazy! I have to plan my life around my period. I can’t hold down a job because of my cramps. That is not normal. My periods are not normal. Girls, if you experience horrific period pains- just know you are not alone and if it is getting in the way of your every day activities please get it looked at. Here is a bit of what I go through every month:

  • If I am out and about when I get my period- I have to rush home. I have about an hour or so before I cannot function properly.
  • Hot flashes, cold sweats, nausea, vomiting.
  • “Take a hot bath!”, “Sleep it off!” — For the sleeping it off.. I can’t even stay in one place. I am pacing the house because of the pain. I have this intense pressure that feels like I need to go to the bathroom but I fully know I do not have to go. I am back and forth from the washroom 10x over the next three hours with this pressure- knowing nothing will relieve it. I’ve never had a child but I feel as if I could compare it to labor pressure — It feels as if SOMETHING needs to come out. TMI, sorry. For the taking a hot bath.. I can’t. I would love to. The heat feels amazing! but when I am feeling that horrible- the thought of undressing and getting in the tub is too much to comprehend. I am too exhausted. If I got undressed and got in the tub.. I wouldn’t be in any less pain- it just means I would have to get dressed again- and I can’t even stand, so getting dressed would be a no go. I usually end up in bed, rolling back and forth crying out “Please help.” “Please stop.” “I can’t do this.” over and over again.
  • The only way I can describe how the pain feels is like someone is taking a knife and twisting and jabbing it inside me. During this time- I want to rip out my insides because that would probably feel better and relieve some pain. Picture this: My last period I had mentioned that my period wasn’t as bad as it has been previously. I find that funny because during ‘my pain’ I had cried saying that it felt as if something was bursting inside of me. The pain is not localized to my stomach. It’s not like I can pinpoint it. It leaves my whole body tense.

After about three to five hours later.. the pain starts to subside to what I like to call “normal people bad cramps” and I end up feeling that way for two days or so- constant. After having ‘my pain’ it is always a blur. The whole three to five hours is foggy. In the past I have remembered rolling around on my bed in weird positions trying to find a comfortable spot. I have legit hit walls before because I could not get away from the pain. All I know is that when I am done my initial pain- I feel a type of euphoria, and that is definitely wrong. No one should ever experience that amount of pain on a monthly basis to feel euphoria.

2 thoughts on “This is not in my head

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